My Day in Court

{via here}

I stood there with pride. Confidence. Optomism.

I had my best foot forward.

The line was wrapped along the outside perimeter of the court house.

A single file line of other individuals, like me, that were at the fate of the California legal system.

I stood there, binder of important documents in hand.

Mom on one side. Grandma on the other.

With a brush of my hair, and a glance over my shoulder, there he stood. Suited up, and ready to go.

It was ON.

I immediately felt sick to my stomach.

I regained my composure, walked thru security, and went straight up to the 8th floor.

I didn’t look back.
It hit me at that very moment, my reality.

Irreconcilable differences.

We were face to face with significant differences that were beyond resolution.

The grounds for a divorce.

Just like that, it’s all down the drain.

I sat outside our court room where my attorney was waiting.

Briefing me on the mornings events.

Us on one side, him and his company on the other.

You could cut the tension with a knife. You could feel the eye stares. You could hear the whispers.

It was a total out of body experience.

Something I could never in my life prepare for, or wish onto anyone.

The court room opened, and we all shuffled in.

The judge called attendance. It was grade school all over again.

We’ve come so far.

Lee vs Lee.

We proceeded forward.

Testimony.

Lies. Fabrication. Deceit. Anger. Back stabbing. Bullying.

He said. She said.

I’ve never felt so betrayed in my life.

Once the closest person to you, immediately your worst enemy.

Emotions were high.

Sitting before a judge, awaiting the fate of myself and my child.

Letting a judge tell US how we were going to raise our daughter.

Hands down, the worst feeling in the world…

You want to know something?

I knew I wasn’t alone.

HE was on my side.

I am good with it.

{via here}

In a divorce, there are NEVER any winners.

You both leave their feeling defeated.

I gave up more than I wanted to Monday morning,

but this is HIS will.

It is still sinking in.

It’s been a full fledged grieving process.

It’s out of my control.

All I can do, is cherish MY time with Landyn and do my part.

Love on her and be the best momma I can be.

Time will heal. Lives will be restored.

THAT I do know.

…….

Thank you for the continuous prayers, emails, comments, etc.
You all make me smile on a daily basis.

And thank you for allowing me this space to share my story.

I love you all.

Comments

  1. Cindy says:

    Weird I just read this post because we just returned from court today too. It is painful. Well, more like heartbreaking. Oh, and those poor kids in the middle of it all. I’ll pray for some peace for you in all of this. God does have His hand in all situations.

  2. Krista says:

    Wow sweetie…I cannot imagine. I love your outlook though. Thanks for being you and sharing this. We all may not be experiencing what you are going through, but your words help to strengthen us through our own trials. Thinking of you and sending love!! xoxo

  3. Darlene says:

    Sending such big hugs your way!

  4. Christina says:

    UGHHH! I can’t imagine your pain! :( I’m SO sorry friend. I’ll just keep praying! :)

    Love ya!

  5. I can not imagine how that must have felt! So proud of you for keeping your head high. You are right, HE has got this and HE will pull you through this!!! XOXO!

  6. kristi says:

    big hugs to you! xoxo

  7. Ronni says:

    *hugs*

    You are stronger than you think. And you will be OK.

  8. It’s amazing how strong we can be when we HAVE to be. It will be ok. Once your new schedule becomes THE schedule, you’ll get used to it, you’ll overcome this, and you’ll do it for your daughter.

  9. You are in my prayers sweet friend! You are a wonderful mama and an amazing, strong woman! God IS always there and this moment in your life is His plan! Sending lots of love from the east coast!

  10. Val says:

    First off, I love you..Linds. You are not alone. And my heart literally breaks for you. Your words are brave, strong, honest and you are beautiful on the inside and out. I’m here for you!!

  11. lori says:

    Girl… my offer stands. If you need to vent or anything, please email me anytime. Sending you lots and lots of hugs and prayers :)

  12. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Praying for you.

  13. Rena says:

    I am so sorry you had to go through that Lindsay! But you show us how strong you really are, and that is truly inspiring.Landyn is so lucky to have you. Keep your head up. My new favorite motto is What doesnt kill you makes you stronger! (maybe for your next dance party with landyn? :) )

  14. Kelsey says:

    Lindsay you are so strong! I can’t even imagine what is is like (well I CAN) but you have so much courage and it is so obvious that you have an out-of-this-world love for your baby girl. Everything does happen for a reason, though we don’t always get to learn what THAT reason is right away. Down the road you may see what He has planned or why he made things the way they are. You are in my thoughts and prayers! Keep hope and be positive.

  15. Rachelle says:

    I have so many words, and still none seem right. What a weird feeling, besides I just adore you. Your strength. Everything. I’ve been there mama. I’ve been so busy with work lately I haven’t caught up on ANY blog reading and for whatever reason tonight I thought about you! Gosh I know how life feels like when you’re going through this, if you want to vent scream cry or feel powerful and cuss a little email me okay?

    Love, just love girlfriend.
    xo

  16. Erin T says:

    UGH!

    So sorry. :(

    What a yucky way to start the week. At least the hearings are over? (I’m assuming.)

    One day, to the next, my friend. There’s something much better right around the corner! Life will be awesome again. :)

  17. Dbl Ls' Mom says:

    I have been there, done that and battle a decade old depression and now I am having the BEST time of my life. Smile, because you know your life can become BETTER.

  18. Kate says:

    Lindsay I am so sorry – that sounds absolutely terrible and painful. Can you imagine going through this and not knowing that God is bigger then our trials? Today I am encouraged by your trust and faith in Him. thank you for sharing.

  19. I’m so sorry, sweetie! I’m praying for you all!

  20. Brenda says:

    I can’t feel your pain, as I’ve never been through a divorce, so my imagination has to go there. I think it must be a “sick to my stomach, please God make it go away” thing. I’m so sorry for you, and I will keep you and your beautiful child in my prayers. My daughter and son-in-law divorced about a year ago. It was “friendly” and they still are close. 2 kids, beautiful, well-adjusted, but still in the middle. God bless and keep all the children.

  21. I can’t say anything to make you feel better right now, besides if you wanna talk, scream, cry, or jsut be silent i’m here. None of this is easy… time will heal all wounds.. i’ve been there! love you xoxo

  22. I’m actually very VERY proud of your great attitude about everything. I was far from this positive about everything, and even still everything’s turned out okay. I have no doubt you will come out on the other side much much better and brighter my dear!!!

  23. Lindsay says:

    Hugs Lindsay. Landyn is so lucky to have such a strong Momma like you. Seriously….Big Fat Hugs!! You’ll be alright girl, and happy.

  24. ohhh love i can’t even imagine how hard this must be. you are being so brave and strong and amazing through it all and you should be so proud of yourself and of what an amazing example you are being to your little girl about how to be a strong woman. sending my thoughts and prayers!

  25. Erica says:

    1st Off – this is my VERY first time writing on someone’s blog.

    Today, YOU triggered something with in my own past.

    I have been following your blog for some time now. I really like your style…. But what I love about you is your vulnerability!

    It’s extremely hard to make the kinds of choices you have made.
    When you express your fears and feeling on your blog, you’re touching many people’s own fears or possible thoughts too. It makes people think!

    I wish you many smiles tomorrow!!

    I’m very proud of you!

  26. I can’t tell you how much I hate that you are having to go through that! Love and hugs to you sweet friend! You are in my thoughts and prayers often!
    HUGS!

  27. Shirley Lupton says:

    I’ve been following you for a while and feel we are all going through this with you. But remember as God is on your side you can tackle anything. And as long as you have that precious little girl by your side you can’t fail. Love your blog and never fear spilling your guts, we are all here to suport you. Hugs and prayers.

  28. Mallory says:

    Even though we have never met, I feel so connected to you {as so many here do}! Thank you for sharing your heart, trials, and joys with us. You are real and so is HE. He will be with you each step of the way {as will we}!

  29. sarah says:

    Lindsay – im so sorry you had to go through that pain and heartache and tension. But I am so glad HE was with you. the best HE there is, the only HE you really need on your side. I dont know you but I love your heart so much and I know God will protect you and provide for you in this season!

  30. Hanna says:

    I just wanted to come by and tell you I thin this was a beautifully written, honest post. Than you for this. You will be better off getting this out. You are strong. you are beautiful. you are a wonderful mother. I am proud to call you my friend. I mean it

  31. Lilli Toby says:

    I saw you thru cup half full and was wondering what “my day in court” post was all about. I have had a few days in court myself, speeding tickets. Yikes, Im always rushing to get somewhere. I thought maybe your post was similar but I started reading and I instantly became anxious and heartbroken for you and your family. This post was so honest and heart felt. God is by our side always and he will be there to help you thru it. Stay strong and breathe!!

  32. April says:

    Oh Lindsay, it’s been 11.5 years since my day in court, and as I read your post every emotion came rushing back as if it was that night and I was thinking over the day. Isn’t it awful how something so meaningful as marriage – what is supposed to be forever – is reduced to “Irreconcilable differences”; it sounds so petty. I’m sorry for the path you are having to walk right now, but you have such a wise outlook – He is in control and He is with you. Every step. Cling to that truth alone.

  33. Josanne says:

    Hi,
    I know I’ve never been divorced nor have my parents. But I have seen it all around me. My friends, relatives, its been there. But I feel connected to you and what you are experiencing, maybe just because you are my sister (in Him). I’m sure you already know it, but you have many people supporting you and praying for you, and carrying you in their hearts. Even me all the way in little Trinidad here in the Caribbean. But that’s the God that you serve, who can make complete strangers intercede on your behalf.
    Stay blesses, stay strong my virtuous sister

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