Have you ever been called out?
Either by a complete stranger, or someone that may know you better than you know yourself?
Well it happened to me.
A part of you wants to fight back in defense, but deep down, you know that a particular person is dead on.
And you dwell on it…
You see, from the outside, I paint this picture as though I am a strong, confident, fearless women.
But deep down, I am struggling.
I feel sad. Empty.
Through this whole divorce, I have painted a picture as though I haven’t missed a beat.
100% confidence the whole time.
It’s easy to distract yourself from the pain…I’m darn good at it.
But now that the emotions have passed, I look back and doubt myself.
Had I trusted in Him more, I feel like I could have made things right.
You see, when you are in over your head in uglyness, it is SO EASY to run.
And boy did I ever…
I grew up with this “always do what’s right” mentality, and I finally hit my breaking point.
For once, I wanted to do what my impulses told me.
I wanted to be selfish. Not think of my consequences.
Lately, I spend a good majority of my days inside my head going back and forth with my decisions.
I am NOT confident I did the right thing.
I would do many things differently.
I am an emotional roller coaster.
Have I completely sabotaged myself?
I think above anything, I need healing.
I need to give it all to Him and trust his plan a little bit more.
I need to realize that it is ok to accept help.
It is ok to admit failure.
“Every experience God gives us, every person He puts into our lives, is the perfect preparation for a future only He can see”.
I am a true believer that what is meant to be will be.
For now, it’s one day at a time.