We are a week shy of Landyn’s 3rd birthday, and time has been weighing heavily on my heart. I’ve spent time this week deep in my iPhoto archives marveling at growth over the past 3 years. Growth for Landyn as she metamorphosis into a beautiful little person, but also growth for me as a mom. My face tells a story in those first few months as Landyn’s momma. I was a roller coaster of emotions and faced with a steep learning curve. I think it wasn’t until I completely opened my heart to the situation and embraced my new role, that my life changed. I was transformed by the love of a little being and granted the protector of a precious heart.
In the past 3 years, I’ve seen myself grow into my role as nurturing, patient, loving momma. I have stretched myself emotionally, mentally, and physically. I fall in love with my girl a little more each day. I’m left asking why I didn’t listen to that infamous one liner that everyone so willingly promised… “enjoy it, for it goes so fast” … Instead I looked at them in complete disbelief. There is no greater truth my friends…I promise.
headband: A Little Lady
And then there’s the events of this past year. My mommy guilt sets in, and I wonder if I truly cherished every moment with my baby girl. Could I have done things better? Was I simply in survival mode and did time pass me by? Did I give motherhood my whole heart? I’ve found the answer to that is ”I did the best I could”. I embarked on a path that was a little different than I expected, painful at first, but provided clarity and growth and eventually secret passages that led to far more beautiful things. I am slowly learning my role in this world. I’ve been climbing a steep mountain with voices in my head telling me “you will never get there” and “your a failure”… but eventually that uphill battle peaks and your lookout brings with it complete clarity and growth.
I guess what I am trying to say is time is fleeting. No matter what balls are thrown your way, life carries on. Time passes. Our children get older. I am learning my new role and owning it. Yes, this situation is far from ideal. It sucks the life out of me most days. But my story is continuing and my canvas has room for much more paint. And while this experience has rooted itself in my mind forever, time heals, and I see it as a reminder in what I want moving forward.
mustard bloom pillow: Jilly Bean Craft
Go slow time. Go slow.